perspectacles

I recently (a couple months ago) finished reading a book. I stole little bits of time here and there, snuck in words after dark, and slowly inched my way to the back page.  Reading a book turns into a labor-intensive project when you have two littles... and a husband.  So this book, Carry on Warrior by Glennon Melton,  has just stuck around in my mind.  We can do hard things.  We are all broken and healing.  A shift in perspective can change your world.  Big Ideas.  Big stuff to ponder.  And I am a constant ponder-er...wonderer...thinker of all things.  Sometimes when I think about these things long enough & hard enough, the universe grants me with an a-ha moment.  These are few and far between, but when they come they are a pretty big deal. It's a "check yo-self" kind of moment. 

So, this book....As I'm making the bed this morning (and I don't make the bed every day.  Maybe I should.) , I am thinking about this book. These stories, the honesty & balls for opening up, sitting with the raw feelings, healing, trusting the process, accepting your whole self... and then sharing it with the world.  Props to this chick, Glennon Doyle Melton.  There is one essay in particular that B needs to read--I mean she is spot on about the dynamics of a marriage/partnership that spoke directly to my heart.  And how to deepen that connection, create a stronger sense of understanding and self within the partnership.  B should read this & gain a new perspective.  Then I start thinking about the book as a whole.  Maybe he just needs to read the whole thing.  Maybe this book is telling a part of my story.  Wait--- no.  This is not me.  I am not broken, not healing, not full of fear.  Her story is not mine. Stop.  This is me.  My story is my own, but our stories, they intertwine, lead in separate directions, share common threads, and create a tapestry all their own.  We are different, but we are also the same.  This is me--but resistant to admit it. 

Break open & feel all the feels.  Maybe we are all broken in some way.  And it's ok to accept that.  Through husbands and kids and babies and jobs and committees and dinner cooking and house cleaning, through all those layers,  you still exist.  Not a wife or mother or cook or maid or chairperson, but a You.  A You that needs love and healing and hope to get through the day. 
And while we're at it, throw in a pair of perspectacles, as Glennon calls them.  Put those babies on & take a look at your world in a new way.  I can do that.  Accept, shift perspective, keep an open heart.  Look around at all of my blessings and--even through the messiness and chaos and broken-ness--be filled with a grateful heart. Work a little each day at releasing those messy feels that cloud my heart.  Take down those walls brick by brick.  Focus on love.  Focus on the good stuff.  And there's a whole lot of good stuff.  I can do that.  I can do hard things. 

She's right, this Glennon gal, We can all do hard things.  Sometimes we just need a moment of connection, inspiration, a wake-up call and aha moment--maybe we find that in the pages of a book, conversation with a friend, or while making the bed--and in that moment is an opportunity for grace.  Grace is a hard concept for me, one I'm not sure I completely understand or rely on, but in these moments, here it is. To be humbled, to accept that I am a little bit broken and my heart is a little bit messy--- and that is ok.  It is ok. I am still a child of God, I am still loved.  I am loved. I am love. Grace. 

Wow.  This is just what I needed today.  I will probably wake up tomorrow and need a big dose of courage to keep moving forward, but today is all about this moment.  One day at a time.

j.